


Forget-Me-Nots

by Phanallamallama



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-06-16 06:41:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15431256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phanallamallama/pseuds/Phanallamallama
Summary: 'For anyone who knew Sirius Black, ‘avid gardener’ would not be the first description to come to mind.'Sirius has a secret garden where his flowers and relationship with Remus grows.





	Forget-Me-Nots

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't written for like a year and then this word vomit of flowers happened so I hope ya like it.

For anyone who knew Sirius Black, ‘avid gardener’ would not be the first description to come to mind. Hell, half of his own friends wouldn’t have dared to believe he’d even try gardening, let alone pick it up as a hobby. Maybe those friends didn’t really know Sirius as much as they thought, but then maybe Sirius didn’t mind that they didn’t. It was relaxing, and being able to care for his plants without being teased mercilessly was always a plus.

Ever since sixth year, it wasn’t unusual that in the spring months after tea that Sirius would disappear from sight and appear down near the edge of the woods, to his own secret garden. After spending only about half an hour begging Hagrid to ‘lend him some space’ did a little patch of dirt bloom into an alcove of life. Then did the thieving from the greenhouse, and then the cuts and scrapes that would magically appear on Sirius’s arms. He wouldn’t tell anyone though, didn’t want to give anyone cause to fittingly call him a ‘pansy’, but there was something about gardening that soothed Sirius, so as he grew older, so did his charms to protect his little space. 

There were only two that knew about this side of Sirius, James (naturally) and then a little later, Remus. Telling James had led to a lot of teasing, but telling Remus, well, hadn’t actually been planned. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Remus to accept this rather different side of him, it was more that Remus had thought he was cool since a he was a scrap of a kid, and Sirius didn’t want to break that illusion for him. There was also something about bearing his soul to Remus of all people that was so much scarier than anyone else. It seemed stupid, not telling him because he was scared, when Remus had told him he was a goddamn werewolf years ago for Merlin’s sake, but he just didn’t know how. So he didn’t. He only told James so he wouldn’t go on about him disappearing to God knows where. James didn’t take too much of an interest anyway, thoroughly getting bored of sitting in the dirt watching best friend prune shit he didn’t care about, but when Remus came, it changed things. 

It was around the time that the ‘moony project’ emerged that Remus had started feeling closer to Sirius, and Sirius likewise. They’d always had the group dynamic, but Peter never seemed to fully shift in his feelings for Remus being a threat, even in human form. It had been Sirius who had accepted him fully, hugged him as he cried, worried they’d hate him, although they all promised nothing had changed. It had been Sirius who’d become a dog for him, as close to a wolf as possible, and would transform into Padfoot if it could coax a smile out of Remus. Sirius who would trust him, a monster, to be a pillow for when he was feeling lazy, to pull pranks with, to share his rough past. 

So, when Sirius started disappearing, Remus couldn’t help the pang he’d feel that he was being forgotten for someone else. Naturally they all thought it was a girl he was going to see, but something just felt off to Remus, and seeing James’s smug, all-knowing grin whenever he left made his stomach twist. He reasoned that if it was a girl Sirius was seeing he’d have bragged about it, like he did with all the others gone by (there had been a lot). It wouldn’t bother Remus if it was a girl, there was just something about him specifically not knowing that felt wrong. 

That feeling meant that one day he decided to follow him. The guilt he had been feeling started to dissipate as soon he realised that Sirius would do the same thing if their roles were reversed, and with every step across the fields towards the edge of the woods, his curiosity took its place. 

Seeing Sirius disappear suddenly made Remus jolt, his body sparking with fear that Sirius had dropped off the edge of something, but walking towards the spot he had vanished from, he could see the shimmering outline of what looked like a door. 

He stared for a moment, wondering just when Sirius had made this, then he knocked, hoping for some response. There was a pause, and then Sirius’s voice.

“What’s the password?” he heard him call from the other side, and Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Your mum. Let me in you tosser.”

“I’m sorry but that’s incorrect. As you have given the incorrect password, it means to gain entry you must sing a song about how much you adore Sirius Black.” 

“Like hell I’m doing that. Come on, let me in,” Remus asked, eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head. 

“Not without either the password or the song Moony, up to you.” Sirius called back and Remus let out a sigh. 

“What are you even hiding in there? I know you wouldn’t respond if it was a girl, so why can’t I come in?” he asked. Sirius stayed silent. Remus sighed again, and sat in front of the door, having the feeling even if he got it right, Sirius wouldn’t let him in. He knew, even though it was right for Sirius to have his own space, it hurt. He thought they’d shared everything by now. 

“Prat,” he muttered under his breath. 

“Wrong password,” Sirius said, very unhelpfully, but it sounded as if he was closer to the door now. 

“Pads, there are so many stupid things you could have set the password as, I’m not going to grow a beard trying to figure them all out, can’t you just let me in?” Remus asked hopefully, and Sirius said nothing again. “Alright, I’ll go. I just… whatever. I’m sorry I tried to barge in. I just…” 

‘It’s been weeks now and... I miss you.’ 

He gave up on trying to finish his thoughts and stood up. “Sorry I’m a nosy git. See you later Sirius,” he mumbled, turned and left. 

_____

It was late when Sirius reappeared. Moony had already shut the curtains around his bed and was reading, and definitely not waiting to make sure Sirius was back okay. The join in his drapes rustled, and a black hairy nose stuck through. 

“Hey Pads,” Moony said softly, and Padfoot jumped onto his bed, giving the most sorry look a giant black dog could. He wasn’t surprised this was the only way Sirius would apologise, he very rarely gave them out, and it wasn’t like Remus felt like he’d be worthy of a proper vocal one anymore. “You could apologise in words, you know,” Remus said, a little more snippily than he meant to, looking back at his book. A muddy paw stepped on his book and Sirius started licking his face, making Moony groan and push him away. He was smiling though. 

“Look, it’s honestly fine if you want your own space, I just wish you’d tell me rather than being a arse about it,” he said, starting to pet Sirius’s ears as he lay down beside him, head now resting on Remus’s lap. “I just thought we’d got past the point of keeping secrets from each other, you know, since me being a literal werewolf came out in the open. And I can never thank you enough for accepting me and becoming an animagus but it stings a little when it feels like you can’t trust me. And I hate that the only time we- I can talk like this is when you can’t respond.” He let out another large sigh. He marked his page and put it on his bedside table, lying down next to Padfoot and extinguishing his wand. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Sirius to share beds with any one of the marauders, and usually it made Remus feel special that he was the one chosen for that night, but this time felt wrong. 

He ran his hand downs Padfoot’s back, feeling the gentle rise and fall and assumed the dog was now asleep, and let himself smile sadly.

“I just miss you.” He murmured. 

_____

The next day after tea when Sirius finished tea and got up, Remus expected no words from him. The day together had felt forced, the smile had never quite been full on Remus’s face and during potions if Snape hadn’t been sitting within paper-throwing distance of Sirius they would have been in pure silence. The only difference was that Sirius leant down and whispered in Remus’s ear before walking off.

“Follow me in five minutes.” 

A real smile stretched Remus’s lips this time, and after giddily waiting enough time he excused himself from James and Peter and almost ran the way back to the woods. However, today, instead of seeing nothing there again, he saw Sirius waiting, looking nervous.

“Hey, you don’t have to do this you know, if you really want the space I’m fine to stay away,” he said when reaching him, but surprisingly Sirius shook his head. 

“Just, Remmy, please... don’t tell people.” Was all he said, before tapping his wand against the door and murmuring something under his breath.

When he saw what was beyond the door, it had been the last thing that Remus had been expecting. A gorgeous garden, full of flowers blooming, most he’d recognised from his herbology classes that must have been stolen and replanted here. A little shed was in the corner, which seemed to hold various potions and sprays for the different life growing here, and some shabby clothes for Sirius to change into.

Sirius was standing next to him, still looking almost terrified of what Remus’s reaction would be. So he looked over at Sirius with one of the biggest smiles on his face. 

“It’s glorious.” Remus said, and Sirius finally stopped looking sick and smiled back sheepishly. 

“You really like it?”

“I can’t believe that you did all this. I didn’t even know you could keep anything alive, you do such a bad job of yourself,” he teased and Sirius shoved him. 

“Fuck off, you twat.” He then sniffed, looking away nervously. He seemed glad that Remus was here now, but didn’t seem to know what to do anymore. Remus thought it was best to give him a nudge. 

“Show me everything,” he asked, and it was as if Sirius himself bloomed into life. He’d said exactly what Sirius needed to hear. 

“So my dear Moony, this over here are a wizarding variation on what muggles call ‘snapdragons’, except they actually will bite you if you get too close and will breathe fire on you. And then over there, see that little tree with all the blossom on? Well, I actually found a potion which if you give it some at the point you want then it will stay in that state, so I made it blossom all year round, because honestly, if you can’t tell, I fucking love flowers.”

“You pansy,” Remus said, and Sirius gave him a look, but the fondness had been so clear in his voice that he didn’t protest. 

“Over here are another one of my own concoctions: lilies that say ‘I hate James Potter’.” Remus laughed, and Sirius looked proud. “I’m waiting for the day he actually comes in here, at the moment I’m teaching them how to sing it like a choir.”

“Let me be there on that day. I’m so tired of his constant moaning,” Remus laughed and Sirius winked.

“Of course you can. I also have some muggle plants that I’m deciding on how to charm, like those little flowers down there, forget-me-nots, because they only let out their scent at night, I’m trying to make them invisible when the sun is out. It’s not worked so far, but they smell so good at night, Moony, trust me.” 

Remus grinned. He hadn’t seen Sirius this passionate for a long time, not since the great prank they pulled where Slytherins ended up walking around with clouds of spiders that would chant ‘slytherin suck’ falling on them. It was nice to see his friend so happy, and it meant even more that Sirius felt that Remus important enough to let in on his secret. 

“I’m also trying to grow pumpkins that are already carved so when it’s Halloween we’re all set. Then there’s some mudweeds and foxtrails, and some lavender because it smells good and is relaxing, that sort of thing. And then over here-“ 

Remus smiled as Sirius continued naming plant after plant, explaining their properties and any ways that he’d altered their appearances. When he was finally sure Sirius had finished his tour of the garden, he decided to speak up, letting his hand trail over a patch of Fluffsengs nervously.

“So, does this mean I can come and join you? Not the gardening, but it’s so lovely here, and reading underneath that tree would be the most relaxing thing in the world,” he asked, almost praying Sirius would let him. He didn’t want to admit it, but part of him just wanted to spend more time with Sirius.

“Remmy, honestly, I don’t think there’s anyone but you who I’d let in here. I mean, James knows, but he’s an arse with big feet who would probably trample half of it to death,” he laughed. “And if you help me with my homework, I think we can strike up a deal,” he added, winking. 

“I do already, but fine. Can I have the password for getting in?” 

“Yeah, just tap your wand against the door and say ‘James’s mum’ and you’ll get in,” Sirius grinned. “You were close to getting it yesterday, you wouldn’t have grown a beard.”

“Sirius Black, I hate you,” Remus decided, but smiled back anyway.

“What did you say? Did I just hear you say you love me?” 

“In your dreams, flower boy.”

____

The next day, a new bench was under the blossom tree. Sirius didn’t say anything when Remus came in, carrying some homework he wanted to get started. He only looked a little embarrassed, but Remus couldn’t have been more touched by the gesture knowing he was wanted there.

As the days continued, Remus started helping with the watering, earned some grubby clothes in the shed, and even started doing some research into the types of seeds they could send off for for Sirius to start growing. It started becoming a ritual that every few days they’d go to the garden, Sirius tending to it and Remus either reading, doing homework, or writing Sirius’s homework for him as he spoke it out loud for him. Sometimes Sirius would get bored and just lie against Remus while he read or worked, talking about all the things he wanted to achieve with his plants. 

It was sometime early May when the visits would start happening at night. 

Remus was lying in bed when he felt someone crawl in behind him, their body shuddering a little. Blearily he rolled over and saw Sirius, tear tracks down his cheeks, his hand curling into Remus’s shirt. “Can we go to the garden?” he asked quietly, voice hitching and all Remus could do was nod. 

Donning the invisibility cloak they made their way along the grounds, Remus guiding as Sirius kept a firm grip on his arm, as if Remus would disappear if he let go. 

After letting themselves in as usual Remus let the cloak fall to the ground and sat down on the bench, carefully detaching Sirius’s arm from his shirt, only to let Sirius lay his head against his lap. He looked over the garden, thinking it still looked just as pretty at night, breathing in the sweet scents from all the flowers. 

He raised his wand and conjured a few lanterns he’d learnt how to charm last year, letting them drift up and cast light around them. 

“Remmy… what if I become like my family?” Sirius whispered, and Remus’s heart fell. He gently started stroking Sirius’s hair, guessing that if he enjoyed it so much as a dog it would probably relax him as a human as well. It was different to how it felt as a dog, Remus thought, noticing it to be a lot more silky and less wiry and tangled. “I mean, it’s got to happen, right? All of us go loopy and evil at one point, how long until it’s me?” More tears started to fall down his face and Remus made a gentle shushing noise. 

Hearing Sirius say things like this always hurt Moony a little bit. There was so much good to Sirius Black, even just seeing him lying there with his eyes shut showed the good on his face. The fact he was talking about his worries showed the good in him and how he obviously wanted to stay that way. 

“Pads, trust me when I say you could never be like them. Ever. You have one of the goodest hearts I’ve ever seen. Anyone who will donate this much of their time to helping things grow just for them to live could never be that horrible. And you’ve helped me, not because you want a werewolf to help fight in the war, but because you want to be my friend. You’ve been the one to accept me fully, to do very illegal things just to keep me company when i’m in my monster form. I don’t think you could fully be like them if you tried, I mean, you’re already a Gryffindor who hates your family, you’re miles above them.”

Sirius didn’t react straight away when Remus began talking, but his eyes slowly opened and a small smile started on his face. 

“You really think?” he asked quietly.

“Of course I do. The only crazy thing about you is your hair right now,” he said, chuckling as Sirius reached up to try and work out what Remus had been doing. His hand ended up brushing Remus’s, and he squeezed it gently.

“Thanks Moony,” he said, a gentle happiness surrounding him. And he didn’t let go. 

Remus felt his face flush, and he looked up at the blossoms above him. Gently, he picked a single flower and placed it behind Sirius’s ear. 

“Aren’t you a sap?” Sirius teased and Remus groaned at the joke. “A pansy and a sap, what a pair we are,” he murmured, and smiled up at him. 

Remus felt a little stutter in his heart at that smile. For all the cockiness from how Sirius knew he was handsome, seeing him like this was different. The lines on his face were softer, the look in his eyes gentle, the feel of his hand against his own was so warm. Remus wanted to trace the shadow of hair along his chin, let his finger rest on the dimple on his left cheek, trace the outline of his chapped lips.

Sirius Black was the most beautiful thing to grow in his garden, and Remus hoped one day he’d tell him that.

“I think it’s time we get back to the dorms,” Sirius whispered, eyes slowly moving over Remus’s own face as the grip on his hand was released. 

“Yeah, probably.”

They slid up and put on the cloak again, but this time Sirius’s hand would brush against Remus’s as they walked, and when they got to the dormitories Sirius would instantly slide into bed right beside Remus, his hand connecting with his under the covers.

“Goodnight Moony.”

“Goodnight stars.” 

_____

“Oooh boy looks like you two had some fun last night,” James said as he threw open the curtains around Remus’s bed, wiggling his eyebrows and winking. Both boys groaned in protest, Remus using his arm to shield his eyes and Sirius using his back to hide in, clutching his arm around Remus’s stomach tighter. 

“Fuck off Prongs I’m tired,” Sirius mumbled back and he heard James and Peter laugh.

“You guys should have told me you two were queer, we could have had a parade to celebrate,” 

“Twat, there’s nothing more manly than two men sharing a bed you know,” Sirius responded with a yawn attached.

“Yeah, Remus is out of your league anyway,” Peter added and Sirius sat up, detaching himself from Remus and rubbing his eyes, swinging his legs out of bed.

“Jealous he picked me over you Pete? It explains a lot actually.” James just rolled his eyes and nudged Peter.

“We’re going down to breakfast, if you two lovebirds want to join us feel free.” 

James and Peter left the room and Remus groaned as Sirius prodded him. 

“Remmy you’ve got to get up or we won’t have time to eat.”

Remus sighed. Whenever it got close to a full moon he’d always feel the pull from it begin to affect him. Which meant wanting more sleep, having horrible headaches, nausea and usually nightmares. He hadn’t had one last night though. 

“Remmy,” Sirius sang gently as he pushed at him and Remus managed to sit up. “You feeling okay?” he asked, seeing the groggy look on his face.

“Bloody moon,” he cursed and Sirius’s face grew to understanding. 

“You alright to eat this morning?” 

“Let’s see if I chuck it back up,” he replied, climbing out of bed and giving Sirius a rough smile. Sirius grimaced back before reaching for something on the bed, picking up the blossom that was in his hair yesterday and twirling it in his fingers, smiling fondly at it. He then looked back at Remus with the same grin before placing it back in his hair.

He kept it there for the rest of the day.

_____

“Hey, Remus. I really hate to bother you but would you mind helping me study for this potions test tonight? Slughorn is going to murder me if I fail again.”

The voice talking to Remus belonged to Merinda Hayfeather, a sixth year hufflepuff who’d been his partner in potions last year. She was sweet, funny, and if it hadn’t been for Sirius constantly telling him to ‘have a go’ with her then Remus might have even asked her on a date. But something about how hard Sirius had tried had pestered him, so he left it as them being just friends.

“Yeah sure, Mer. Library after tea?” 

“See you there!” she grinned enthusiastically, trying to pull up her bag whilst juggling six heavy books in her arms. She should have seen it coming that they would start to fall. Luckily Remus had expected the same thing, and quickly reached out, catching the one that had fallen off the top with ease. 

“Do you need help carrying these?” he asked and a faint flush dusted her cheeks. 

“I’m only down the next hallway so I’ll be fine, but thanks Remus. See you later!” 

She hurried off, Remus smiling fondly after her, before jumping with a yelp as hands gripped his shoulder.

“Moony you git, you pulled!” was yelled right next to his ear, causing him to spin and slap at Sirius’s head. Unfortunately he missed and Sirius continued to smile smugly at him.

“I didn’t pull, Siri, I’m just helping her with potions, which is stupid, because you have to teach me half the time,” Remus replied, rolling his eyes and Sirius shook his head, biting his lip and winking at him.

“Rem she asked you on a date!”

“A study date!”

“It has the word date in it!”

“The word ‘date’ never came up!” 

“Oh whatever,” Sirius said, flinging his arm around Remus’s shoulders and walking them both towards their class. “The important thing is that you’ve got a date with Merinda Milkshakes tonight.” 

Remus couldn’t roll his eyes further back into his head if he tried. “You do realise this means I can’t help you study tonight, right?” he pointed out, feeling Sirius stiffen for a second, before shrugging. 

“I’ll let you off this once Moons, but only because it’s about time you finally interacted with a bird and not a book,” he seemed to decide. 

“You’re such an arsehole,” he said, slumping down into his seat and pulling out what he’d need for class, and extras for Sirius. 

He looked up and spotted Adrien Spiers smiling at him. For some reason, Remus felt his ears go warm as he smiled back, Adrien blowing an impressive bubble with the gum he was chewing, and watching as it floated its way towards Remus. This felt like a challenge, so Remus blew it back in his direction, and right when it was over Adrien’s head, transfigured it into confetti. 

He heard Adrien laugh from his few seats away, trying to shake the confetti out of his hair. But Remus felt his eyes stuck on a piece that wouldn’t untangle itself from one of the curls, and how pretty Adrien’s smile was. He finally pointed to his own hair, mirroring where the last piece was hiding in Adrien’s, and felt a little swoop in his stomach when Adrien mouthed a thank you back. 

He looked down at his notes, realising Sirius for some reason was very silent beside him, and opened his mouth to ask him if there was something wrong when Professor Binns floated in and began droning. He heard Sirius’s head bang down against the table beside him and smiled, letting his body relax for the nap he was about to take. 

____

The day after Remus had spent teaching Merinda the difference between bitterroot and bloodroot, (where nothing had happened on the supposed ‘date’), Remus returned to the gardens with Sirius. It looked dryer than usual, so Remus helped to water everything, noticing the pruning that Sirius had said was vital the day before hadn’t been done. They were pretty quiet again, which would have felt weirder if Sirius wasn’t humming and murmuring under his breath. Something was wrong though, Remus couldn’t shake the feeling. But he also knew Sirius preferred to be the one to bring up something if it was bothering him, so he didn’t pry. He wouldn’t yet.

Instead, they resumed their normal positions, Remus reading under the blossoms and Sirius messing around with the lilies, trying to get them to warble the different notes. It was about half an hour before Sirius decided to say anything at all.

“So, I take it you didn’t get a second date, or you wouldn’t be here right now,” he said, and Remus wondered if the edge to his voice he heard was real. 

“I told you Pads, it wasn’t a date in the first place,” he told him, trying to stress the point that he didn’t like Merinda like that. He also knew he should say something about the second half of Sirius’s sentence, but he couldn’t find the words to tell Sirius that being in the gardens was one of his favourite places to be. 

“I take it you blew it then. Next time do what you did with the ravenclaw boy, a good bird would love that.” Remus definitely heard the edge to his voice this time. 

“Which ravenclaw?” he asked, unsure of who Sirius meant. He didn’t hang around with anyone but Sirius, James and Peter. Surely Sirius knew that he spent most of his waking moments with them.

“The one from history of magic, with the bubblegum,” Sirius mumbled, and Remus finally understood who he meant.

“Oh, you mean Adrien!” he said, it clicking into place, his cheeks heating up at the memory.

“Oh so he has a name. Are you trying to ditch us for some new friends now, Remus?” He asked, the bravado he was displaying such an obvious cover up of Sirius’s insecurities it stung a little.

“Siri, why would I ever ditch you guys?” he asked, dog-earring the page of his book he had paused at and closed it, walking over to Sirius. He wouldn’t meet Remus’s pleading eyes.

“He made you smile,” Sirius muttered, and Remus shook his head fondly.

“Pads, you make me laugh until I can’t breathe. Yesterday while I was tutoring Merinda I was wishing I was here, with you, because honestly she is one of the dullest people I’ve ever met and you’re one of the best.” 

Sirius didn’t say anything in response, but Remus saw the smile growing on his face. He hoped Sirius knew how important he was to him. 

“Maybe, since you suck at getting girls to date you, I should set you up with one!” 

Remus laughed at the change in attitude and shook his head. “Nah, Merinda has ruined dates for me if that’s what you say they’re like,” 

“Come on Moony, give it a chance. What’s your type?” he asked. Remus thought. He didn’t actually know straight off what his type was. He hadn’t actually given it much thought in the past, so now he would probably have to guess. 

“Er…”

“Come on, what do you see and think ‘yes! I want that!’?” Sirius asked him.

“I guess… dark hair?” Moony was sort of just thinking off the top of his head. He tried to conjure up the ideal women in his head and just got stuck with a genderless blob, with only a few features he could pick out. “And lighter eyes. Er… the hair should be curly, maybe? And a nice smile. 

“And big tits yeah?” Sirius added and Remus made a face. 

“I think I’m more of a small tits guy,” he said and Sirius nodded. 

“Okay perfect. So what you’re asking for is the female version of me,” he grinned and Remus looked horrified. 

“Merlin, no, I’d rather snog Snape.”

Sirius looked outraged. “You take that back! You would be lucky to have any version of me over Snivellus! Remus Moony you take that right back now!” he screeched and Remus laughed as Sirius pulled him into a headlock.

“But Siri, I already have a version of you! Why would I want another?” 

Sirius stopped pulling at his head. “I’m not sure whether to be flattered or even more angry.”

“Flattered, you git,” Remus said, pulling himself free. Sirius smiled bashfully back.

“You sap.”

“You pansy.”

_____

That night it was Remus who snuck behind Sirius’s curtains and sat on his bed. 

“Hey, Siri, please don’t actually set me up with anyone. I don’t think I could deal with dating and my furry little problem,” he said quietly when Sirius looked up at him expectantly. 

“Is this about the whole ‘I’m a monster and dangerous and people should stay away from me’ thing because I will curse your pumpkin juice again,” he warned and Remus shook his head.

“I just don’t want to get to the point of having to tell another person. I’m happy with the people around me, and girls will want way more of me than I can give,” he explained, sighing. 

“Hey, we don’t need them. We’re better than girls anyway because you won’t get in trouble for cuddling me in the middle of the night. Get in,” he said, pulling open half of his covers invitingly. Remus couldn’t stop himself climbing in if he tried. 

“Thanks Pads,” he mumbled and Sirius smiled, wrapping his arms around Remus and holding him tightly.

“And you’re not a monster,” he added. Remus bit his lip, and stared at the sheets.

“Sometimes I have dreams where I am.”

“You mean like having two heads?”

“I mean dreams where I kill all my best friends, Siri. Where I kill you.”

“Oh.” 

Remus swallowed hard, not daring to look up at Sirius. “Sometimes in the dreams, I like it. I like killing you.” Sirius stayed silent. “It’s hard not to feel like a monster then.”

Sirius’s grip faltered a little, and Remus flinched, ready to be thrown from the bed as Sirius ran far far away from him. Instead lips briefly pressed against his temple. Remus’s mouth fell open.

“Remmy, are you ever a human when you feel like that?” He asked, voice completely level, as if Remus hadn’t admitted to fantasies about killing him. Or that he’d just kissed Remus.

“Not that I can remember,” he sniffed and Sirius rested his head against his.

“So you’re saying the wolf in you wanted to kill us? Because Rem, we already knew that. And he hasn’t killed us yet, hasn’t even tried when we’re animals. He hasn’t had the chance while we’re human either. That wolf isn’t you and everything you are. You’re so much more.”

Sirius’s fingers were playing with Remus’s hand while he talked, tracing the scars along the back, rubbing the junction between his thumb, pressing gently against his nails. Remus wasn’t even sure how to respond. He just let Sirius fill the silence with his touch.

“There’s nothing you could do that would make me see you as a monster.”

There was that gut punched feeling Sirius hadn’t felt since his friends had told him they would break the law for him when they were barely teenagers. That deep level of caring he didn’t even think he could get from his parents.

Feeling choked, Remus slid his fingers between Sirius’s, squeezing gently. He tried to cram a million ‘thanks you’s’ into that squeeze, and seeing Sirius’s small smile from the corner of his eye made it clear his message had been received.

“Do these nightmares happen often?” Sirius asked, and Remus found his voice again.

“When the moon gets closer to being full, yeah,” 

“I’ll remember that.” Sirius said, squeezing Remus’s hand back. “If you ever want company after you’ve had one, or you’re worried you will have one, wake me. I don’t care about any circumstances, you wake me or I will personally strangle you. And not the sexy kind of strangle, I mean I will kill you.”

The last sentence made Remus smile again, a small laugh leaving his lips and he knew Sirius would be feeling triumphant.

“I will, unless I feel like I need space. I mean, I could always go to the garden if I need space.” That way he could be with Sirius even if he wasn’t actually there.

“Feel free. It’s as much yours as it is mine,” Sirius said sincerely. “Now, my dearest Moony, I think it’s time for us to sleep. And I promise I won’t set you up with any girls, so you’ll just have to fulfill your dream of a girl your type by imagining me in lingerie.”

Remus laugher, but he realised he didn’t actually mind the thought as much as he imagined he would.

_____

It was probably a stupid idea engaging with Lily Evans, but Remus has had an idea he really wanted to fulfill, and she was the only girl he felt comfortable enough approaching about it. She was also the nicest to Remus, something that drove James insane.

“Hi, Lily.” She turned around and then smiled when she saw it was Remus.

“What’s up Remus? Please don’t tell me this is something James has put you up to before you open your mouth again,” she quickly asked and Remus shook his head.

“No, all the annoying stuff will be coming straight from him. As a heads up, if you get an anonymous letter don’t open it. I’m not sure what will be in it, but I know you will hate it. I’m actually here to ask a small favour…”

She narrowed her eyes, looking curious. “What kind of favour?”

“Can I borrow a hair grip thing. You know one of the claw ones? I promise I’ll give it back.”

“Okay… you do know your hair isn’t long enough for one, right?” She asked, but was smiling at the weird request.

“Yeah, it’s not for me.” He said, flushing a little. She started to grin.

“Oh, I like your style. I’ll go get you one.”

After disappearing for a few minutes, she returned and pressed one into his hand. 

“I think James could actually learn something from you about how to make a girl like you,” she beamed and Remus realised she has gotten the completely wrong idea. 

“No… I-“

“Good luck with her Remus, I’m sure she’ll love it.” She began walking away before Remus could correct her, feeling his ears go red as he tucked the clip into the pocket of his robes. He shook himself off though, he had a bigger plan and the hair clasp was just the start.

____

After a herbology lesson with Peter, Remus managed to sneak off to the garden unnoticed to grab a handful of blossoms from the tree to complete the second part of his plan.

It only took waiting until he knew all of the beds in his room were full of sleeping bodies before he could attempt step three. Making sure his curtains were shut tight, he pulled out the flowers he’d picked and lay them over his bed, as well as the grip Evans had given him. Now he just had to work out how to transfigure a flower into a hair clip. Piece of cake. 

It took a short while of figuring out the actual mechanics of the hair clasp before he could even attempt to start transfiguring the flowers. Whoever came up with this weird girl shit was a genius, Remus thought, watching the claws close around his fingers. 

It took at least an hour, and crafting the separate parts of the clip before joining them for the final product to appear. Remus was grinning as he held it in his hand however, the light shell pink of it shining in the dark. All he had to do now was step four. 

_____

 

There may have been a few steps between step three and step four. One of them included giving Lily her clip back, to which she smiled in delight when he showed her the version he’s made with the flowers. She even asked if he’d consider making her one with lilies. He told her he’d think about it, but he could always give it to James for yet another gift idea attempting to woo her. 

Then there was the issue of it raining one of the days, and then the full moon, and then finally, a week after carrying it around in his pocket, he and Sirius were in their rightful places back in the garden. 

The thing he’d noticed most when Sirius gardened, was that his hair would fall into his face when he leant down to do just about anything. He was constantly tucking it behind his ears, just to have it fall again. It would make Remus’s hand itch to pull it back himself.

Finally today, after peering over his book at Sirius, he got up the nerve to give it to him.

“Pads,” he said and Sirius looked up. “Come here for a sec.” Sirius walked over, looking curious as to why, a steady smile on his face at Remus wanting his attention. “Don’t laugh but I… er, made you this.” He pulled the clasp out of his pocket and held it out for Sirius to take. Except Sirius was just staring at it.

“I noticed that your hair was always in the way when you were gardening so I thought maybe this would help? I used flowers from the tree, because I thought since you wore one in your hair all day you’d like that? It’s okay if you don’t want it, I know it was kind of stupid but-“

“I want it!” Sirius yelled quickly, grabbing it from Remus before he could move his hand away. “Thank you.” He said softly, tracing his fingers over it, making the claws open. “I don’t actually know how to put it in though.”

Remus sighed at himself, realising he hadn’t thought through this point. “I mean, a lot of girls just pull their hair back and clip it right? Maybe you twist it? I don’t actually know either,” he laughed and Sirius’s eyes shone.

He passed the clip back to Remus, pulled back his hair and twisted, taking the clip back and securing it in his hair. A few strands fell around his face and Remus felt his breath hitch. 

“How do I look?” Sirius asked, biting his lips almost nervously and Remus had to swallow. 

“You look hot.” He spoke without thinking, the first words he was feeling coming out of his mouth, but the way the sun was surrounding him like an ethereal glow, he couldn’t think of anything else. 

“Oh Moony, have I turned you?” Sirius beamed and Remus felt his ears go red. 

“I’ve just never seen your ears before,” he said, trying to brush off his own comment as he went back to ‘reading’, but he couldn’t stop his own smile hearing Sirius hum while he planted, his eyes now hair-free.

_____

Sirius started wearing his hair up every time he gardened, and Remus realised he had made a huge mistake. He’d already given up on denying the fact he found Sirius handsome, but it wasn’t like he was blind. He thought James had nice eyes and Adrien from history of magic had a nice smile. It was normal to pick up on these kind of things. Probably. Maybe not? He wasn’t sure. It’s not like he’d been staring at his arse. That much.

Either way Sirius with his hair tied back was distracting. The few strands that wouldn’t fit in the clip framed his face perfectly, emphasising his cheekbones and jawline, and made his eyes stand out more. It also showed a freckle Remus hadn’t noticed before on the edge of his forehead and a small scar on his cheek. It made looking away harder when there were new things to see. 

But it was also distracting when Sirius took the clip back out. He’d hold it as if it was precious, and he’d shake his hair out and run his hands through it. It would always fall perfectly and that’s when Remus would realise he was outright staring far too often. It was worse when Sirius noticed and would send a wink his way. 

“Liking the view eh Moony?” Sirius asked once and Remus couldn’t even find the words to reply. He went back to staring at his book so hard he didn’t see the blush along Sirius’s cheeks. 

It was when he had another history of magic lesson he realised his attraction definitely fell towards boys. He walked in to find a blank piece of parchment on his desk. Glad that Sirius had been late today, he muttered a quick ‘revelio’ to see words quickly bloom across the page.

Hey Remus, I was wondering if you’d help me with this week’s homework. Meet you outside the library at 8? -Adrien 

Taking a deep breath he quickly scribbled his response, smiling as he transfigured it into a plane and carefully flew it so it landed right in front of Adrien. 

See you there

He would have felt stupid including his name, but he still felt the butterflies in his stomach. It was only mildly dented when Sirius slumped down beside him, yawning. 

“Sending love notes to Spiers while I’m not here? I’m offended Moony,” he said, and Remus’s butterflies turned into rocks. 

“Nope, just some answers to the homework Binns set,” he decided, saying the words as carefree as possible, while his leg was jiggling without his permission.

“Why are you suddenly helping that guy?” Sirius said, sneering a little and Remus sighed. 

“Because I’m a nice person, who’s nice to people, and known for being nice.” Sirius laughed and rocked back on his chair. 

“You’re a cheeky git. The rest of us are nice to people,” 

“You’re nice to gryffindors,” Remus pointed out and Sirius shrugged.

“Even you’re not nice to slytherins though, Moony,”

“I said I was nice not insane,” Remus said and Sirius laughed. 

“That’s the Moony I know.”

Remus felt guilt creep in knowing Sirius didn’t really know everything about him anymore.

_____

Remus wasn’t sure whether to tell Sirius the truth or not as to why he was leaving him alone in the garden a little before eight. It felt almost as if he was betraying him, going to spend time with a guy he barely knew just because he felt intrigued by him. It was worse since he couldn’t really tell Sirius he was going on another study date after he talked to him about not wanting to date anyone which was still true! He was just… too curious, about everything he was feeling. He didn’t want to miss this chance. 

So, he only had a few options. Come up with a lie that wouldn’t make Sirius worry but get him out of staying in the garden, or tell him the truth. Which shouldn’t be hard to say considering he was just helping a fellow classmate. Except it felt more than that. Maybe it would be. It just felt wrong to give up his time with Sirius for a chance. 

He made his choice. 

He looked inside his bag and pretended something was missing. 

“Ah, shit. Pads, I left the book I need by my bed. I’m gonna go get it,” he said, glancing at his watch, seeing he had ten minutes before he was to meet Adrien. 

“Want me to come with?” Sirius asked, almost looking hopeful and Remus shook his head with a heavy heart.

“Nah, I’m gonna stop by the library on my way back too I think so I’ll have everything I need for the next few days.” He slung his bag over his shoulder and grimaced at Sirius. “See you in a bit.” he said and scurried out of the garden. 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel horrible, but the closer he got to the library the more excited he felt at the chance to meet Adrien properly. 

He was surprised to see that even though Remus was a few minutes early, Adrien was already there waiting for him. He gave Remus a shy smile as he joined him, looking the same sort of giddy-nervous that Remus was feeling.

“Hi,” 

“Hi,” 

“It’s kind of weird talking to you face to face,” Adrien laughed, and Remus grinned with him. 

“Damn, I knew I should have taken some polyjuice potion before I came,” Remus teased and Adrien rolled his eyes- but smiled. 

“Come on, I honestly had no idea what Binns said for the last four lessons so my essay so far is just the title.”

He lead Remus towards the back of the already deserted library, and to a table tucked into a corner, out of sight from anyone who might be wandering around. 

“There we go, nice and quiet. I once had Peeves find me in here and harass me for hours and so far this has been my only safe hiding spot.” 

“Thanks for the tip, I’ll take it to my grave.” Remus decided he liked the way Adrien’s eyes lit up and his nose crinkled when he found something funny. He also liked his smile up close, and felt incredibly tempted to touch his hair and find out if his curls were as soft as they looked. 

They started to work, Adrien having had been completely honest about only writing the title of the essay, and Remus realising they might be spending more time together than he thought. Not that he minded, it turned out studying with a ravenclaw meant actually getting some work done, which Remus hugely appreciated, as Sirius would usually find at least six ways to distract him.

It was only when Adrien accidentally knocked over the pot of ink that something changed. They’d both reached for it at the same time and bumped their hands together, making both boys jerk and the ink to go everywhere. It only took a few seconds to clean up, Remus muttering ‘scourgify’ under his breath and letting out a sigh of relief that nothing had been ruined, when he felt a hand rest upon his. He looked down at it, and then at Adrien, who was looking at him with a nervous smile on his face, eyes flickering down to Remus’s lips. 

Oh. He’d been right.

Adrien leant forward quickly and pecked Remus on the lips, pulling back a short way, Remus feeling the nerves flying off him at wondering if he’d judged the situation wrong. But he hadn’t. Remus curled a hand around his neck and brought him back, kissing him again for longer, then again, and again. He let his hand wonder into Adrien’s hair (it was as soft as he’d hoped) and let it run down his jaw, tracing the outline and thinking ‘yeah, I’m queer’. It felt different, kissing a guy. The one snog he’d had with a girl felt awkward, and she smelt of too much perfume and mint and weird hair products that Remus really didn’t like. Adrien smelt like parchment, and a little bit of lemon. Remus wondered if it was his shampoo. Everything about him in this moment was enticing him, making him want more and more, and so time was forgotten.

The homework was left half-finished for what must have been a long while, before Remus pulled away and smiled shyly. He checked his watch and his stomach dropped at the time. “Fuck, I need to go,” he said, scraping everything hastily into his bag, seeing Adrien looked disappointed. 

“Can we maybe do this again?” he asked and Remus thought for a second before nodding, giving him a brief smile. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Adrien quickly leant up and pecked his lips again, Remus shooting him another smile before almost running out of the library, back down to the garden. He knew he’d been gone far too long, but maybe he could still spin his lie further to Sirius, if he was still there. 

As he ran he felt the chill from the sun disappearing along his arms, a new breeze pricking his face and he hoped Sirius had remembered a jumper to wear.

He got to the door, panting as he tapped the door and mumbled the password and nearly fell through it, seeing Sirius sitting on the bench motionless, staring at the blossoms. 

“I’m surprised you came back,” he muttered blankly and Remus swallowed.

“Sirius, I’m sorry, I got caught up-”

“With Spiers? Yeah, I know. When you didn’t come back for half an hour, I thought you might have gotten stuck in the library, and maybe I should go to keep you company. Instead, I saw you studying with Adrien. Why? Why didn’t you tell me you were going to see him?” he asked angrily, standing up and walking over to Remus, wand ready in his hand. 

Remus opened his mouth, and froze when he saw the tears creeping into Sirius’s eyes. 

“I… didn’t know how,” he said truthfully and Sirius shook his head, a bitter smile on his face.

“Look, I get it that we spend so much time together, and of course it’s fine of you to have other friends, but I can’t believe you’d want to spend time with a guy you barely know so badly to have to lie to me about it!”

“Because I know you don’t like him Sirius. I don’t know why you don’t but I know it’s true. I didn’t want you to feel like I didn’t care about you,” Remus tried to explain, but Sirius laughed, throwing his hands up to gesture to the situation. 

“Well here I am! Feeling even more uncared about now you’ve lied to me! I waited Moony, I waited for twenty minutes on that bench waiting for you to come back. Then I looked, and have been waiting nearly an hour. I didn’t realise ‘see you in a bit’ was your clever way of saying that you weren’t planning to come back.” 

Sirius was right up in his face now, wand poking into Remus’s stomach. The pressure would have been enough to bruise but Remus didn’t care. He only wanted to explain, to apologise, he just… couldn’t tell Sirius the truth yet.

“I didn’t mean to be gone for so long I swear.”

“It’s been an hour and a half Moony,” Sirius sighed. “Do you know what sucks the most? I was jealous. Jealous that fucking Spiers got to spend time with my Moony.” 

Remus felt himself stop breathing at those words, only able to stare at Sirius wordlessly as he kept talking. 

“I mean, we’ve been together basically every day here, just the two of us, and I’ve really liked sharing this with you. I don’t want this to go away because you make a new mate. And this bloody stinks even more because I know I’m being selfish!” 

Sirius no longer looked angry, instead looking sad and frustrated with himself. He slid his wand back into his pocket and hung his head. Remus stepped a little closer, reaching out to grasp at his arm.

“Siri, if I could spend the rest of my life with one person in one place, it would always be here with you,” he said, ducking down to try and catch Sirius’s eyes with his own. “I shouldn’t have lied to you. I just… I didn’t know what to do if this had ruined everything. It just felt better to take the risk of lying then outright hurting you, which I’ve done anyway, because I’m a stupid arsehole. I’m so sorry Pads, please don’t hate me for this.” Remus heard himself almost beg this last part, and the full realisation that he could lose Sirius settling in the pit of his stomach.

Sirius finally looked up at him. 

“Moons, you must know by now I could never truly hate you, right? You don’t think I’d hate you over something like this?” Remus stayed silent and Sirius let his head fall onto Remus’s shoulder. “Through everything, I will stand with you.” 

Remus finally let his arms curl around Sirius and hug him tightly, gripping the fabric of his shirt and mumbling apologies into his hair. 

“I promise I won’t lie to you again,” he said and Sirius let out a small laugh.

“Sorry for turning your eyebrows pink,” he said and Remus couldn’t even find himself to be upset, starting to chuckle. 

“Now we’ll match,” he said, gently letting his fingers lie against the hair grip and unclasp it, letting Sirius’s hair fall free again. 

“I’ll work out how to fix them soon,” he said with a hint of guilt, finally moving away and taking the clip from Remus’s hand. He reached up and let a finger stroke Remus’s now light pink brows, and then a scar on his cheek. Remus saw the forgiveness in his soft smile.

“Thanks.” 

_____

It sounded stupid, but Hogwarts didn’t always feel safe to Remus. Most places didn’t. The only places that did was the two week gap between the start of the full moon cycles, and Sirius’s arms. That one he’d discovered more recently. 

It had been a week before the full moon, and Remus was starting to have nightmares again. They hadn’t been this bad for a while, and it had reached the point of Sirius having to slip a few drops of wide eye potion into a cup of tea before Remus could leave his bed. Sirius had asked Madam Pomfrey if she had any potions for a dreamless sleep, and after not believing he actually had good intentions for it, told him that unfortunately as it could be addictive. She would have to ask Dumbledore for approval of use- who was unfortunately away on business. Remus felt touched he’d tried so hard, and told him the nightmares were manageable. What he really meant was that he felt safe if Sirius was sharing his bed. 

The first night, he’d woken up shaking so badly he could barely find the strength to move, body curled in on itself as tightly as possible. 

“Sirius,” he whispered, hoping it had been loud enough to wake the other boy. He waited a moment, pleading with the universe for Sirius to appear, but no one came. “Sirius, please wake up,” he begged, mumbling to himself helplessly. Then he heard movements and Sirius was peeking through his curtain, before he almost ripped it open to get closer to him. 

“Moony, are you okay? What can I do?” he asked, hands hovering in the air with uncertainty, before resting one on his shoulder. 

“Come closer,”

“That I can do.” 

Sirius pulled back the sheets and slid in beside him, letting an arm fall over Remus’s waist as the other hand brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Did you have a nightmare?” Remus nodded. “Do you want to talk about what happened in it?”

Remus wasn’t sure. The more time that passed the less he remembered of it. He just recalled the feeling of it more than anything. 

“I can’t remember what happened.” He said and Sirius started to stroke his jaw. The touch was so gentle it finally helped to start relaxing Remus, his contorted muscles beginning to relax and he managed to stretch out a leg.

“It can’t hurt you now, Rem. And I won’t let it, not while I’m here.” Remus managed a small smile, hand moving to curl into Sirius’s shirt.

“Thank you. Can you stay here tonight?”

“I don’t think you could actually make me leave, it takes a lot of kicking before you’ll get me to move.”

 

The second night, Sirius slid into his bed as soon as the others had fallen asleep. Remus looked at him in confusion as he was sure he hadn’t called him over.

“This is a precaution,” he said, climbing into bed, Remus automatically making more room for him. “This way I’m right here if you need me, or if I notice you look like you’re having a nightmare I can wake you up,” he said cheerfully, and Remus was a little stunned. He added ‘ridiculously thoughtful’ to his list of surprising things about Sirius Black, which seemed to fit nicely along with ‘avid gardener’ and ‘loves cuddling’. 

“Thank you,” Remus said quietly, reaching out to brush some hair away from his face. “It’s getting really long now,” he commented and Sirius looked up at his roots. 

“Maybe I should start clipping it up more during the day?” Sirius suggested and Remus quickly shook his head.

“I may have er… asked Evans, for some help with it,” he explained and Sirius’s mouth fell open. “I didn’t know how they worked so I borrowed one and she saw it when it was done and even asked for one herself! Just, she’d never let either of us live if she saw it was you who I made it for,” he said. 

Sirius chewed his lip, thinking. “I forgive you for betraying us and going to Evans for help, but I see what you mean.” He then paused for a moment, before looking up but not quite reaching his eyes. “Did you make her one too?”

“I didn’t,” he smiled and Sirius met his eyes again, a triumphant smirk on his face. “Oh come on, you already know you’re special you git,” he said, giving Sirius a shove, and was surprised to see a blush run along his cheeks. 

“I know, it’s just nice to hear it sometimes,” he murmured. 

That night Remus had a worse nightmare, and this one he remembered. However, waking up in a cold sweat was slightly less horrible when Sirius was already resting his head against his shoulder. It broke the reality he had felt in his dream, and helped center him to the present. He managed to move his hand to shake him awake, and as Sirius’s eyes blinked open, he squeezed around Remus’s middle, and he felt safer again. 

“Remus? You okay?” he asked, receiving a head shake in return, Remus holding Sirius’s shoulder too tightly from his panic.

“Everyone was staring, and yelling, and pointing and I couldn’t run away, and you guys left because you were embarrassed, and everyone knew about me. I couldn’t hide from their eyes. I had no one again. I didn’t want to live that way and then I just became the wolf forever. I was hurting people and I couldn’t stop and I didn’t turn back into me. I hurt you guys again. I hurt everyone.”

Sirius pulled him closer, letting Remus burrow his head in his chest, moving their legs together so he could hug him tighter. 

“Oh Moony. It’s over now.” Remus felt Sirius’s hand slide into his hair and start stroking it, making gentle sounds as he cried into him. 

“I know- it’s just my brain being stupid but,” he paused, letting out a sad hiccup, “but it always feels so real. It’s hard to tell my brain it’s fake when it’s all happening right in front of me.”

“As long as you know none of that will happen in real life. We wouldn’t abandon you, no matter what,” Sirius said, placing a small kiss on the top of his head. Remus smiled again.

“I know you wouldn’t, considering you’re practically smothering me right now,” he muttered into Sirius’s shirt. He felt Sirius release the grip he hadn’t realised was too tight and he looked up at him. “I hope you know it’s the same from me. No matter what.”

Sirius paused for a second before speaking. “Even if I end up like my family?” 

“Even then, because I know that’s not you, and I will not let you let yourself think that enough to become it,” he said truthfully and Sirius smiled.

“Merlin this is sappy, what happened to us being all tough and manly?” 

“Are you making your voice deeper?” 

“No,” 

“You’re adorable,”

“I am not! I am a strong and handsome man!” 

“You’re like a tiny little puppy barking at the wind,” 

“Well you’re an arse,” 

“Okay, Puppypaws.”

A few more indignant noises from Sirius and Remus felt relaxed enough to try sleeping again.

The nights after that followed the same pattern: Sirius would sleep in Remus’s bed, wake him up or be woken up when he had a nightmare, and talk with him until they both felt relaxed enough to sleep. It was the third night when he woke up and Sirius was spooning him that he came to the realisation of feeling safe in Sirius’s arms. 

It was almost as if Sirius understood, as he’d never let him go while they were lying there together.

______

He decided after the next time, he would not be meeting with Adrien again. It wasn’t that he wasn’t nice, it was just that although it felt right because he was a boy, he didn’t feel anything more than that. It was starting to feel wrong. Adrien seemed to be a lot more enthusiastic than he was, and would weirdly smell really strongly like lemons. Like more than he had the first time. It actually made Remus’s cheeks suck in automatically when he kissed him. It made things a lot less pleasant. That and the fact he always felt like he could be doing something better with his time, like gardening with Sirius, or studying, or anything that didn’t feel like sucking on a giant lemon-boy.

Although he was tempted to tell Adrien via letter, he decided he would be a gentleman and tell him in person that whatever this was, it was going to stop. He’d met him in the library, and held his arm in the way when lemon-boy had tried to kiss him in greeting. Adrien had been upset, and caused a loud enough fuss that Remus cast a silencing charm over their corner so people wouldn’t hear what he was yelling about. But Remus kept calm, apologised a lot, then felt angry. Adrien had started asking if Sirius had put him up to this, and if there was one thing that pissed Moony off more than bigots, it was people being rude about Sirius. So he kindly told Adrien a good place to shove his wand and then left, heading back towards the garden where Sirius greeted him enthusiastically.

History of magic was a little more awkward, Adrien turning away and obviously looking anywhere but Remus, who caught him scowling at him and Sirius laughing once. Sirius seemed to notice too and put his arm around Remus’s shoulders, seeing Adrien turn away with a huff.

For some reason Sirius looked oddly pleased. Weirdly, that made Remus oddly pleased too. 

______

So it wasn’t really Remus’s fault, but he and Sirius had managed to land a detention. Well, it was, but Sirius had started it. It had all started with an offhand comment about how Slughorn’s robes made him look like a toad, and then Sirius decided it would actually be funny to turn his hat into a toad, then suddenly they had detention. They had to spend two hours after tea cleaning all of the cauldrons until they shone by hand. (Remus had kicked Sirius under the table.)

It was only when they had started and Slughorn had left to get some food when Sirius spoke up.

“Do you know what time the sun sets today?” He asked and Remus was a bit startled at that out of everything he could ask in these few moments his thought was on when the sun would disappear.

“Half eight? Maybe a bit later? Why?”

Sirius grinned. “We’ve got to go to the garden after this okay?” 

Remus was about to ask why but Slughorn walked through the door and they had to continue to work in silence. Remus was at least glad the Slughorn didn’t hold grudges, and wouldn’t stop them from sitting together in the future. 

As soon as the last cauldron was clean and Slughorn had let them go Sirius grabbed his hand and started tugging. “Come on, we’ve got to run!” he said, and Remus automatically fell into a sprint, Sirius a little in front, pulling him along.

Sirius’s hands were dry from the soap they had used to clean, rubbing against Remus’s own. He stared down at them for a few seconds, noticing all the scars his hands had, and felt discontent from it being in comparison to Sirius’s perfectly even skin. But as he looked further, he noticed little cuts and burns that lay on them, probably from pruning the snapdragons, and he thought maybe his hands weren’t as ugly as he’d thought. Not if Sirius’s were so nice despite his own scars.

They raced across half the grounds, Sirius constantly looking back over his shoulder to check the sun was still there. They only broke hands when they got close to the garden, Sirius reaching inside his pocket to grab his wand and nearly dropping it from how sweaty his palm had been against Remus’s. He flashed him a smile as they toppled inside, panting heavily and collapsing on the bench just as the sun was starting to dip behind the horizon.

“Look… at the space… there,” Sirius wheezed, weakly pointing to an empty space Remus was sure had been full of something before. 

Slowly, something started to become visible, a bunch of green with spots of blue, and Remus realised it had been the forget-me-nots Sirius had talked about on his first visit. He took one final deep breath and noticed a new fresh floral scent reaching his nose, and he hummed.   
“You managed it!” he turned to Sirius, who was already staring at him.

“I… yeah. Do you like it?” 

“It’s wonderful,” he sniffed again. “I didn’t realise they smelt so good.” He heard Sirius mumble something under his breath and one of the flowers flew into his hand. 

“Hold this a second,” he said, jumping up and heading into his shed, rummaging around for something before coming out, a small vial in his hand. “Hold it flat in your palm.” Remus did what he asked, and Sirius put a single drop onto the stem, picking it back up and holding it out proudly. “Now it will smell like this forever,” he said, pushing it gently into Remus’s hands. “It’s yours.”

Remus stared at it, eyes wide, before bringing it to his face and smelling again. A smile twitched his lips as he twirled it between his fingers, and looked back up at Sirius. 

“Thank you,” he said softly, looking into the warmth of Sirius’s smile. He was leaning slightly towards Remus, knees touching his and looking so earnestly happy it made Remus’s heart sing. Then he let out a laugh. 

“God, people would think we’re gay,” he said, and Remus unconsciously sucked in a breath. Sirius’s face dropped to worry. “Remmy, you okay?” he asked and Remus bit his lip. He didn’t want to hide this part of himself anymore. Not from Sirius. 

“Can you maybe not say stuff like that?” He asked quietly and Sirius looked concerned.

“Why? You’re not a bigot, are you?” Remus’s was too preoccupied with the white noise in his brain to hear the nerves in Sirius’s voice. 

“Pads, I- I am… gay,” he said, feeling his eyes scrunch shut as his body tensed up. He waited a few seconds, for a sound, a movement, anything, but nothing came. He peeked out of one eye, and saw Sirius looking at him curiously, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips.

“Good,” he finally said, and Remus blinked. “I like boys too. And girls. Just, hot people, ya know,” he rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling slightly. “I wanted to tell you, but I guess you beat me to it.”

“Holy shit,” escaped Remus’s lips, and he started laughing. He had been ridiculous. “I was scared to tell you I was gay… you, Sirius Black, who loves flowers, and is the biggest drama queen in the entire school history…” he trailed off, laughing harder. 

“Hey! I’m not a drama queen!” Sirius protested and Remus laughed harder, fidgeting a little. “It’s not like you were a total surprise, you don’t even like tits!” 

Remus’s laughter died down a little as his thoughts kept evolving. “Sirius Black, who’s my best friend, and had said he’d accept me no matter what,” he said slowly, grin dying back into a fond smile, and he saw Sirius blush. 

“Yeah, well, I meant it.” 

Remus leant back on the bench, Sirius mirroring him. 

“How did you work it out?” he asked Sirius, who just shrugged.

“Just realised I found a lot of boys’ arses hot, as well as some birds’. How about you?”

“I mean… I wasn’t sure, just sort of guessed but then I actually tried snogging a guy and it felt right,” he admitted, casting a look over at Sirius who looked scandalised.

“You’ve kissed a boy? Who was it?”

Remus felt embarrassed at this. “It was Spiers,” he said quietly and Sirius looked as if someone had thrown a dung bomb under the bench. 

“Are you two together?” he asked, scandalised, but Remus shook his head.

“No. I guess he was just sort of a way for me to check if I liked boys or not. He always smelt like he’d been rolling in lemons, it got weird pretty quickly, plus I barely knew him, and also, the werewolf thing,” he explained, and he was almost sure he saw Sirius let out a sigh of relief. 

“Thank god, now I don’t have to pretend to like him. At least now I get why you ditched me, I can’t blame you when I would have done the same,” he said, letting his hand rest upon Remus’s.

“Have you kissed any boys?” he asked and Sirius sniffed dismissively. 

“I don’t attract queers like you do Moony,” he said and Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Because you’re always going for girls! You declare your love for another one every few months to half the school. They probably wouldn’t think they had a chance,” he said and Sirius smiled. 

“I’m glad I told you,” he said, giving Remus’s hand a squeeze and standing up. “Thinking about it, I’ve kissed you a few times. Not on the mouth obviously, but do those ones count?” he asked, an edge of hope in his voice. Remus smiled at him, 

“I think they do.”

_____

Remus began wearing the flower tucked into his prefect badge on his chest. James had teased him, but he shrugged and saw Sirius smile when he said he liked how it smelt. 

‘It reminds me of being in the garden with you’ he’d admitted one night, when Sirius asked further, and the joy that filled Sirius’s eyes made Remus feel ready to do anything to see more of it.

_____

“Hey, Moony! Guess what!” Sirius yelled excitedly as Remus entered the garden, his hands being grabbed by Sirius and dragged down the pathway.

“Should I be nervous?” Remus asked,and Sirius shook his head. 

“I waited ages for them to arrive and it was a nightmare trying to get them in a way where you wouldn’t find out because you always try and go into Hogsmeade with me but anyway! Look!” he paused, pointing at a group of bell like flowers in a smattering of different colours. 

“These are pretty, what are they?” Remus asked, touching one of the flowers gently.

Sirius gave him the biggest smile possible. 

“Lupins.” 

Remus’s mouth dropped open as he turned to Sirius who looked far too proud, but Remus was touched. 

“You git.” Weren’t the words Remus was going for, but the smile on Sirius’s face knew it wasn’t meant rudely.

“I know you don’t really like the latin for your name, so I thought I should show you that a name can be many things.” He rubbed the back of his neck, smiling softly with embarrassment but Remus couldn’t stop looking between him and the flowers, before he felt his eyes prick with tears. “Wait no don’t cry-” Sirius had started before he was cut off by a giant hug from Remus. 

“You, Sirius Black, are the best friend in the entire world,” he mumbled into his shoulder as he felt Sirius’s hands pat his back. “Thank you.” 

The warmth shared between them started in Remus’s fingertips, slowly spreading up his arms and to his chest, settling in gently around his heart.

“You always do nice things for me, this is nothing,” he heard Sirius mumble, and Remus pulled away to look him in his eyes. 

“This is everything.”

Sirius pulled him back into a hug, and briefly Remus wondered if a kiss to show his thanks would have been inappropriate. 

_____

It wasn’t uncommon to lose Remus in the library, but it wasn’t quite as often that he’d been found in the herbology section. It had been two months since he’d started visiting Sirius’s garden, and as Sirius seemed so intrigued by muggle flowers, he thought he’d try and do some research on them. There were very few books on them, which wasn’t too surprising, but his hand had lingered on ‘A History of Muggle Plants’. He took it out and thumbed through the contents, eyes skimming past medicine and cultural holidays until they paused at ‘language’. Reading on, he learnt that in Victorian times, couples would send each other bouquets, each flower having a different meaning. The most common ones were things like red roses, which Remus already knew were meant for love, but the more he read the more he realised colours also had different meanings. Such as red carnations meaning ‘admiration’ and yellow meaning ‘rejection’. 

It started making Remus think about the muggle flowers in Sirius’s garden, and what their meanings held. He looked to see what the lilies Sirius had actually meant without their chanting, and laughed when he realised he should tell Sirius to make them orange. His eyes then fell on forget-me-nots, seeing they meant ‘memories’ and-

“Hey Moony whatcha reading?” The book flew out of his hand and onto the floor as he jumped, turning around and punching James on the shoulder.

“You git, you scared the pants off me!” he yelled, hearing a loud ‘shhh’ coming from Madam Prince before he scowled, putting the book back.

“Doing some herbology work? Fancy helping me with mine?”

“I bloody won’t now. Ask Sirius, he’s better at it than me anyway,” he said and James grinned. 

“Oh yeah. I almost forgot about his secret love of plants, our pansy padfoot,” 

“He’ll kill you if he hears you calling him that,”

“He can try. Now, I have a new plan for Evans…”

He slung his arm around Remus, starting to walk him away from the library, James’s voice fading away in the back of Remus’s head. His focus switched to the plant against his chest, and the other meaning it held.

‘True love’.

_____

Since the revelation that both he and Sirius liked boys, and that Sirius had managed to give him a flower, unwittingly knowing it was a symbol of love to Remus, things had been a little weird for Remus. Not bad weird, just, different weird. It felt different when Sirius slept in his bed, head burrowed in Remus’s neck, arms curled around his waist and legs tangled in his. He slept there every night now. And then there were the kisses to his forehead which he was sure were platonic but they happened weirdly often. More often than they used to be used for as a comforting gesture. They didn’t feel as friendly to Remus anymore. But these were just things Sirius did, they weren’t unusual. 

Remus’s feelings were. He knew they weren’t as friendly as they used to be. There had been a few too many times where he’d rather Sirius had kissed his lips, or held his hand as they walked. Something more. 

But they were just passing thoughts, nothing more, he was sure of it. 

He was sure of it when he sat down at his desk in potions, Sirius slumping beside him. Ever since the prank they pulled on Slughorn, they’d been moved to the desk closest to him, so he could ‘keep an eye’ on them. Remus was just happy they were allowed to stay together, as Sirius was better at potions than him, and he could use the help. However, it did mean their desks were used for demonstrations quite often.

“Alright, everyone stand up and come to the table. I have something special for us today.” He gestured to a lidded cauldron sitting on the desk in front of them, and he heard Sirius let out a sigh. Special probably meant exploding in their faces. “Today we will be learning about Amortentia, does anyone know what kind of potion that is?” He asked and Sarah Maywether stuck her hand up. 

“A love potion, Sir,” she said, then blushed when her friends giggled. 

“Correct! Five points to Ravenclaw! It is, in fact, the most powerful love potion known to man.” 

Remus looked beside him, expecting Sirius to roll his eyes, but instead he looked curious. Remus knew a few years ago Sirius was slipped a love potion, and the effect had been hilarious, but not the most fun for him. It was weird for him to be suddenly interested.

“Although it does not create true love, it creates a large obsession with the object of the drinkers affection, and will cause them to become unstable. If this potion were to be used to maintain a person’s love, it would need to be given to them continuously to retain the obsession. This potion is very advanced and should not be replicated in this classroom, or by any of you in your own time.” 

Slughorn raised his eyebrows at everyone, lingering on Remus and Sirius for a second longer than the rest of the class before he took the lid off the potion. The steam spiralled up into the air, and Remus took a deep breath in of something that smelt wonderful, feeling himself relax before Slughorn placed the lid back on. 

“Now, the unique thing about Amortentia is that it smells different to each person depending on what they find attractive. It can be related to a person they like, or just smells they find appealing, but it is highly addictive so I will not leave the lid off for long,” he said, pulling the lid off. The whole class leant forwards, breathing in deeply and Remus sighed again. It smelt lovely, like dust on top of books, and marmalade, and something floral, like-

“Forget-me-nots,” he mumbled under his breath.

He slumped back in his chair and stared at Slughorn place the lid back on the potion. A few grunts of complaint ran around the classroom and Slughorn laughed.

“There is more information in your textbook on page 328, and I would like a 20 inch essay on it by next lesson. You may begin studying now until the end of class, and no the lid will not come off again.”

Remus liked Sirius. Remus really liked Sirius. 

“Well shit,” he heard Sirius mutter beside him, and Remus let his head fall against the desk. 

Well shit indeed.

_____

That evening Sirius was a dog when waiting for Remus in his bed. Remus was almost glad, because this meant no talking, and therefore no more staring at his mouth move. His tail started to wag when he saw Remus, which made him smile as he slid into bed, gently patting Sirius’s head. He then licked his hand, standing up to lick his temple, his cheek, and then accidentally his mouth. Remus paused before laughing and pushing him off, trying not to let his mind wonder if that had counted as Sirius kissing him. 

“Why are you such a good dog yet such a bad person?” He asked and Sirius gently bit at his hand. “Or just bad at both.” 

Sirius let out a sniff and turned his head away, resting it on his sheets. Remus started to run his hand down the fur of his back, using his fingers to ease out some of the tangles. He heard him sigh, and his head moved on to Remus’s lap. 

“Why is your hair so different as a dog than from a human?” Sirius let out another sigh. “Either is better than my hair though,” he said wistfully and Sirius looked up and shook his head. Remus let out a wry smile. “Are you trying to say you like my hair?” Sirius let out a quiet bark. “I wish I understood if you meant yes or no,” Remus sighed, wriggling himself down into the sheets and turning his face away in the dark. 

He let his breathing fall slow, trying to coax himself to sleep when he felt Sirius’s arms wrap around him, and a kiss placed to the back of his head. 

“I love your hair,” he whispered, and Remus smiled again. “I love every strand you daft wolf.” He went silent for a second. “Every bit of you.” 

Remus didn’t sleep so well that night. 

_____

 

Although spending hours in the library, no book could tell him the answer to ‘should I tell my best friend I think I love him in case it ruins everything?’. Not that it was surprising, when first of all, the world wasn’t the most fond of gays, to put it lightly, and secondly, it was a very personal question that came with a lot of details. Details such as: Sirius being queer, but that didn’t mean he’d be attracted to Remus; Remus being a werewolf, and having many issues around that; Sirius being happy to break the law to make being a werewolf easier for Remus; that his other friends had done that too, and then that those friends were definitely heterosexual. 

There wasn’t a book on that. Unless Remus wrote one, there would never be. 

His hand automatically reached to his chest, fiddling with the flower which he hated to know, but was over his heart. Fucking flowers were the cause of literally everything that had happened. It did mean he had ended up checking out that book on muggle flowers and had been reading it when he had a chance alone. Not that he got so many these days, now he was aware of how constantly he was around Sirius. He could read whatever he liked around Peter and James, they’d never pay any attention, but Sirius was always interested, and would be a lot more if he found out it was a book related to one of his own interests. Another part of it was not wanting Sirius to find out the meaning of forget-me-nots. It was a selfish little fantasy of Remus’s, pretending Sirius had known it before, and he didn’t want the reality of Sirius laughing and telling him it was wrong. A stupid fantasy, but still one Remus liked to hold on to. 

Then there was the hairclip. The fucking hair clip. Sirius had worn it to lessons. Sirius had stared him dead in the eye and tied his hair up before they went down to breakfast, and he left it in for the whole day. The whole day he heard whispers about Sirius having a secret girlfriend who had asked him to wear it, that it was a dare, that he looked hot with his hair tied back. Remus felt his fist clench up everytime he heard a comment. Especially the ones from girls saying he looked hot. Remus had made the hair clip for a functional purpose, not to make Sirius look hot, and dammit he was meant to be the only one to be able to look at Sirius looking hot. It got worse when Sirius asked if his hair looked okay with that shit eating grin where he already know he looked gorgeous just for some more attention. ‘You look like a pansy’ Remus had said, trying to piss him off, but Sirius just smiled more.

‘Perfect’, he’d said.

Lily also hadn’t shut up about it when she saw Sirius wearing it, meaning Remus had ended up coming out to her too, which she was thankfully accepting of. It made them feel closer, and it was nice for him to be able to vent to someone about hearing the gossip about it.

He hid the clip the next day. Staring at Sirius’s neck during classes had been way too devastating to his notes and he wasn’t going to let himself fail his exams over Sirius’s fucking stubble and jawline. Death would come first.

It felt like either Sirius knew something was brewing between them, or that he was just generally being the biggest dick possible. Most likely the second option. Ever since their joint coming out, their talk about love had been more casual, and Sirius had jokingly started flirting with him. They’d always had that sort of joking relationship, but it was a bit more difficult to snap back with witty comments when all of Sirius’s suggestions were a lot more tempting. 

He was happy that nothing more than those few things had changed however. He never wanted his new feelings to change how they were as friends and he didn’t think he’d be able to deal with his nightmares without Sirius nearby anymore. Everything was still normal. Even James and Peter found it normal enough to wake both boys up in the same bed, and had given up on teasing them for it. One morning, Remus had snapped from sleep deprivation and explained his nightmares and that Sirius was being a good friend and helping, and that they should lay off or he would kill them. He’d then slept through two periods (Sirius skipping with him much to Remus’s frustration) and apologised to them profusely afterwards. They were sweet enough to agree they hadn’t thought about it properly and wouldn’t do it anymore, but sometimes there’d be a few jokes about Sirius drooling on Remus in human and not dog form. 

Holding hands was also normal. Or at least if had become not unusual. Only when they were alone that was, like if they were sitting in the garden, or lying together, or were walking alone together, and even once under a desk. It had been a lesson where they were both bored, sat at the back of the room, and writing notes. Remus had felt a hand rest on his knee under the desk, then search around until it found his hand, latching on tight. He’d looked over to see Sirius deliberately not meeting his eyes, a light blush on his cheeks. Remus squeezed his hand back, continuing to take notes. They stayed like that until the end of the lesson, where Sirius slowly detached their hands and finally smiled at him, eyes meeting his. 

So now, sitting on the garden bench with Sirius’s hand in his, everything was a little less unusual than it probably should have been. His book in his other hand, he let his head lean against Sirius’s shoulder and he looked up as Sirius basked in the golden light of the sunset. Everything in that moment felt relaxed, and Remus decided it wouldn’t be the end of the world to close his eyes and maybe doze off for a while.

_____

Remus slowly woke up to a gorgeous smell of flowers wafting over him, and a crescent moon in the sky. Little candles were floating around them, and a light was shining from Sirius’s wand beside him. 

It took him a while to realise what had happened. He blinked his eyes open to see some pictures of flowers he vaguely recognised, blue ones, with text written beside it. Then he noticed his bag open, and that there was a lot more room than there should have been. Then he realised the picture he was staring at was from his book of muggle plants. Then he realised the pictures were of forget-me-nots, that the book was in Sirius’s hand, and that Sirius had been reading it. 

Without thinking, he bolted up and snatched it out of his hand with a small hope Sirius had only just turned the page.

“So,” he heard Sirius say, Remus clutching the closed book in his lap, letting his hair fall over his eyes. “You fell asleep and I got bored being your pillow but didn’t want to wake you, and you always have a book in your bag, so I thought I’d just…” he trailed off, looking away, a nervous glance flicked back to Remus.

“Aha, yeah. I saw it in the library and got a little interested,” Remus said, as casually as possible. This could still end with them staying friends.

Sirius nodded, clearing his throat a little. “So… I guess forget-me-nots have a meaning to them,” he said quietly, and Remus felt a scared laugh creep out of his mouth.

“Yeah, in Victorian flower language,” 

“And I gave you one.” 

Remus went silent. Sirius must have let go of his hand when they were sleeping, and now all he could do was squeeze the cover of the book, digging his nails into the spine and breathing shallowly.

“You didn’t know what it meant, it doesn’t matter,” he said finally. 

“But you did.” He knew Sirius was looking at him now, he knew there’d be an earnest look on his face, and maybe something teasing. Something Remus couldn’t look at. 

“But you didn’t, so it doesn’t matter. And I only found out recently, so it means nothing,”

“You kept wearing it, though you knew.” 

“And you’ll know it has two meanings. I like the memories I have with you, so I wore it.” He said logically. It wasn’t the full truth, but it wasn’t wrong to want to lie. 

“What about the other meaning?”

“That doesn’t matter.” Remus almost snapped, feeling his body brace ready to run far far away from this situation forever.

“You said the smell reminded you of me. Even for us Moony that’s a bit gay.” He could see Sirius smiling out of the corner of his eye, and his stomach clenched. His feelings weren’t some kind of joke, even if he didn’t want to admit them to Sirius.

“Look! I said it didn’t matter, so just stop, okay?” Remus said, moving to stand up, but Sirius caught his wrist, and Remus froze.

“Remmy… it does. To me.”

Remus finally turned to look at him. There was that earnest look, but there was fear, and hope and a clear want of Remus to understand what he was saying in his eyes.

“It… does?” Remus could only repeat, and he felt Sirius’s hand curl around his again.

“Look, in Slughorn’s class, I heard you mumble ‘forget-me-nots’ under your breath after smelling the potion-“ Remus tensed up again. “I smelt them too.” 

Remus stared at him in shock. Sirius looked bashful, eyes trying hard to meet his but embarrassment keeping them to random parts of his face. Slowly, Remus sat down again.

“I don’t know about you, but you’re all I think about when I smell forget-me-nots. And, well, now I know the meaning of them, I’d like to give you another one.” 

Sirius summoned one of the stalks to his hand and presented it to Remus, biting his lip lightly, looking so hopeful he hadn’t misread the situation. 

“Are you saying you like me?” Remus managed to blurt out, feeling hope creep into his chest.

Sirius grinned.

“I’ve always liked you, you twat. I’m saying I think I love you, Remus. I think I have for a while now. And I really fucking hope you feel the same way or this will become very awkward,” he admitted, laughing awkwardly and Remus stared at the flower in his hand. 

Sirius loved him. How? After all he was, after all he’d done. Remus couldn’t be worthy of that.

“How do you know?” Remus asked quietly. If he was honest, this wasn’t something he’d ever imagined to happen. To have anyone tell him they loved him romantically had always felt like a pipe dream, like a fantasy. It was beyond his dreams to have this happen, and it felt so unreal he could barely understand it.

Sirius let out a weird laugh, pushing some hair from his face. “I guess… it really hit me when you started seeing Spiers. Stupid, I know, but I was far more jealous than I should have ever been. And it got me thinking, and then thinking more and I just couldn’t remember a time when I was happier than just spending time with you. Then I thought about how you gave me that hair clip and I couldn’t believe you’d spent enough time noticing me not being able to see to then go through all that effort just to give me something to tie my hair back with. Maybe it was just you being a really good friend, because, fuck, we’ve been close for years. But you were so comfortable with me kissing your head and hugging you and I thought maybe I just fancied you, but then you were gay. And I thought maybe I had a chance. And I just… it spiralled and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since. Smelling the amortentia just sort of proved it to me. And then I heard you mumble and I just, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy and scared to know my feelings could be returned. So er, are they?”

Remus thought for a second. Gently, he let go of Sirius’s hand and he watched his face fall. Realising his mistake he quickly grabbed it and kissed the back of it. Sirius looked up at him, shocked, and Remus let go to take the flower from Sirius. He reached up and plucked the flower from his pin, switching the two, and placed the flower behind Sirius’s ear, smiling at him gently. 

“I feel the same,” he said, and Sirius’s started to grin, smile getting wider by the second and Remus laughed.

“Does this mean I can kiss you on the mouth?” 

“Please.”

Sirius gently placed his hand on Remus’s cheek, a nervous yet happy smile on his face as he brought their lips together. It was sweet and simple, and Remus clung back to him, unable to keep a small smile off his face which he felt Sirius reciprocate. They paused and Sirius leant his forehead against his.

“Kissing boys is great,” he said, and Remus laughed, letting his eyes fall closed again. “Kissing you is great,” he added shyly, and Remus felt Sirius kiss him again. 

‘Ridiculously thoughtful, avid gardener and loves cuddling’ Remus thought. Those were what described Sirius.

Remus decided that ‘my boyfriend’ fitted in nicely with those.


End file.
